Not Sorry Page 10

  But an employee comes running out of the building. He opens my door and helps me out of the car.

  “Mr. Burrows, your plane should be ready to depart in about twenty minutes. The crew is already here, going through all the usual safety checks and preparing the plane. Your assistant just arrived with your luggage. So, if you’ll follow me, I’ll take you to your luggage to ensure you have everything before you board,” the man says to Sean, both men ignoring me.

  I hold on to my cat as I follow the men into the building and then into another room where there are at least half a dozen suitcases on the floor. My eyes widen at the sight of so many suitcases, but none of them are mine. Maybe the three bright pink ones are supposed to be mine, but I don’t own any suitcases like that.

  “I’ll give you a few moments to make sure you have everything you need before the flight,” the man who still hasn’t introduced himself to me says before leaving.

  “You can change if you want, or you can stay in pajamas and change later on the plane. It really doesn’t matter. Whatever makes you most comfortable,” Sean says.

  “I’m not sure your assistant went to the right apartment. These aren’t my suitcases.”

  Sean rolls his eyes and then bends down. He opens the first suitcase, and it mostly contains my clothes. “She probably just used some new bags because yours weren’t suitable.”

  I frown as I walk over and start digging through the suitcase to find a pair of jeans and a shirt to wear. “My suitcases were perfectly fine,” I say angrily even though I know that’s not the truth.

  I own one duffel bag that has a decent-sized hole in it, and that’s it. Nothing that even comes close to being called luggage by Sean’s standards. But I don’t want Sean to know that I have no money for things like suitcases.

  I find some pants and shirts that aren’t mine. “Some of these clothes aren’t mine.”

  Sean shrugs. “My assistant might have picked up some additional clothes for you to wear.”

  I frown. “And why would she have done that? I thought this was going to be a short trip. Why do we need so many clothes?”

  “I’m sure she just wanted to make sure you had plenty of options. Your regular clothes are fine.”

  I stand up and walk to the door to go find a restroom to change in. I’m not changing in front of him right now with him bossing me around and thinking my things aren’t good enough.

  “Watch my cat while I change,” I say as I leave, hoping that my cat is just still breathing when I return.

  I change quickly, feeling much more normal when I’m wearing actual clothes instead of pajamas. Back in the room, I put my pajamas into the suitcase while Sean stares at me. It takes me a second to notice, but he’s cuddling my cat in his arms, gently stroking her head absentmindedly, while he stares at me. I walk over to him, giving him a small smile as I take the cat out of his arms.

  “Well, I’m glad that at least Milo likes you.”

  Sean smiles.

  “Are you ready to board the plane?” the employee from earlier asks as he pokes his head into the room.

  “Yes,” Sean says, looking over at me.

  I nod slowly. Sean walks over and puts his hand on the small of my back, like I have found that he often does. He guides me out of the room and then out of the building to where I see a jet waiting for us.

  I look from it and back to Sean. “Do you really own this plane?” I ask about the huge jet sitting in front of us.

  Sean shrugs. “Yes, it’s really mine. It’s not a big deal. Really.”

  Owning a jet is a big deal, I think.

  Sean leads me up the stairs and onto the plane. When we get on, I realize just how much of a big deal it really is. The plane is bigger than my apartment. I stop in the doorway, unable to move, not sure if I can handle going on a trip with someone who has a vastly different amount of wealth than me.

  “What is it?” Sean asks.

  “It’s just so big.”

  Sean laughs. “I’m glad that size impresses you.”

  We both laugh as I walk further onto the plane. There are several regular chairs toward the front, followed by a small dining area, and then a door labeled Bedroom at the back. I turn back and look at Sean.

  “No,” he says before taking a seat in one of the chairs at the front.

  I narrow my eyes at him as I take a seat next to him. I buckle my seat belt, just like he does. I put Milo down on the ground, letting him explore his new surroundings before we take off.

  “What do you mean, no?”

  “I mean, no. I can already tell what you’re thinking. What your body is saying. You don’t hide your feelings when it comes to what you want.”

  “And what do I want?” I whisper.

  Sean grins. “You want me to take you to the back room, tie you up, and do something crazier than you’ve ever done before. Fuck you on this plane and make you feel things that only I can make you feel. That’s what you want, but the answer is no.”

  I frown, hating his answer, but then maybe, once we’re up in the air, I’ll be able to convince him.

  “No,” Sean says again.

  “What this time?” I ask.

  “No. You aren’t going to convince me. I don’t care if you strip naked in front of me. I’m not going to fuck you on this plane.”

  I pout. What good is it to be fucking your boss if you don’t even get to fuck him on his private jet?

  Sean shakes his head. “I’ll fuck you on the way back if you still want me to then.”

  I smile and sink back into the chair as the captain boards the plane, explaining all the safety features and how long it’ll take to get to Vegas. Then, he enters the cockpit, leaving us alone in the back.

  Vegas. We’re going to Vegas.

  I’m excited to be going to a city that I’ve never been to before. Even though Vegas isn’t on the top of my list of places to visit, I’ll take it. And I get to find out what Sean does for a living. Since we’re going to Vegas, I have some pretty good guesses at what Sean does. He owns a casino, strip club, or hotel chain. It has to be something like that.

  Our plane takes off, and I close my eyes, trying to rest since I won’t be able to get Sean to fuck me on the plane. But then I look over at Sean, who is studying me with a worried expression on his face. I don’t know what he has to worry about. He’s a businessman who deals with what I’m sure is some level of shady business, just like every other millionaire on this earth. Whatever it is, it isn’t going to make me change how I feel about him, and that’s what scares me. I care about him a lot more than I should.

  15

  Sean

  Olive slept the entire plane ride while I was a complete wreck. It’s a feeling I rarely feel, and I don’t plan on feeling it ever again. She slept calm and peacefully, not even realizing what her future holds. I know exactly what my future holds, and although I know it is for the best for both of us, I hate that I’ll have to let her go so soon.

  I was really a mess through the whole plane ride. I don’t think Olive knew that, or if she did, she didn’t let on. She just slept like an angel while I tried to ingrain her memory forever into my head. She probably thought it was helping us both to resist temptation if she slept, but all it did was make my desire for her worse. Ever since she gave me that look when she saw the bedroom on the plane, I’ve been going crazy, trying to keep my hands off her.

  I’ll admit that I’ve used the bedroom numerous times before. In fact, it’s the main reason that I bought the plane. But I’ve never wanted to take a woman over my shoulder, carry her to the back of the plane, and fuck her. But fucking her wouldn’t solve anything. I would just want to fuck her again and again and again and again. Because fucking her once didn’t satisfy me. Fucking her twice didn’t satiate me. Fucking her three times will just make me want her more.

  Thank God the stress of what I’m about to do will distract me from how much I want to fuck her. But I can’t help but notice how beautiful and curious
Olive is, riding in the car from the airport to my place. Her eyes are glued on all the shiny lights, buildings, and people as we turn onto the Vegas strip.

  “Have you ever been to Vegas before?” I ask even though I already know the answer from how excited she is to see everything. It’s clear she’s never been here before.

  “I’ve barely ever left the state of Illinois. The only other major trip I’ve taken was an eighth-grade field trip to Washington DC. I saved all my babysitting money for a year in order to go on the trip.”

  I suck in a breath. It makes it so much harder, and it is going to be so much more shocking to her when she finds out what I do. She is so innocent and pure. So different than what my life is.

  Even though I know I should be distancing myself from her, I can’t help but ask her, “If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would it be?”

  “Everywhere,” she says with a smile on her face.

  It kind of shocks me that the girl that has barely ever left Chicago wants to travel everywhere, yet she hasn’t. She hasn’t traveled anywhere, not really, not on her own. It makes me more curious than ever as to why she’s stayed with Jamie when it’s clear that Jamie doesn’t pay her what she’s worth.

  Yes, there are some leadership skills that Olive lacks, mainly the need for brutal honesty and forcefulness, but with a little nourishment, she’s already shown that she can grow, and it’s clear that she has the skills to be anything she wants.

  So, again, I ask a question that I shouldn’t want to know the answer to, “Why do you keep working for Jamie? It’s clear you’re destined for much greater things. Jamie doesn’t even pay you what you’re worth.”

  Olive’s eyes drop as she thinks back to a memory that I’m afraid is much darker than I’m ready to hear. “Because she saved me, and I owe her.”

  I blink as I try to remember Jamie ever telling me about saving Olive, but I can’t remember anything.

  “Whatever she did for you isn’t enough for you to stay in a job where you aren’t growing.”

  “But it is,” is all she says before turning her eyes back out into the bright lights.

  She’s clearly not going to tell me exactly what Jamie did to save her. That’s okay. She doesn’t have to tell me. I’ll find out from Jamie. She tells me everything, and I know she’ll tell me this as well.

  We ride in silence while the lights get brighter and then finally softer as we turn from the excitement of the strip to the business area of town where I work and live. My driver pulls up in front of the tall building, and Olive’s eyes immediately go up and down the huge skyscraper.

  “Do you live or work here?” she asks.

  “Both.”

  She looks back at the building, studying it, trying to figure out how I could do both.

  “Most of the floors are offices or places where the business is run, except for the top floor. That is where my personal condo is. I like being close to my work.”

  The driver opens Olive’s door, and she stares back at Milo, who is sound asleep between us.

  “Leave him. I’ll have my staff take him up and get him settled into my condo. I need to show you what I do first before we head up to my condo.”

  Olive nods, but I can finally see the hint of anxiety in her eyes. She is just as nervous to find out what I do as I am to tell her.

  I climb out of the car and walk over to her side, linking my fingers with hers to hold her hand. It feels so good, holding her hand like this, most likely for the last time.

  I lead her into the building and over to the elevator that opens automatically when I press the button. We walk inside, both anxious as we enter an elevator again. Both thinking about the last time we were in an elevator together, wishing that we could go back to that place, but we can’t.

  But I can bring one quick moment back. I kiss her one last time. Our lips connect as we ride up the three floors, and that’s all it takes for our breathing to become even again, our hearts to stop beating so rapidly, and our world to be okay again. One kiss, and everything’s okay again.

  But, a second later, the elevator doors open, and I don’t hesitate because I know, if I hesitate, I won’t go through with it. I take her hand, and I pull her out of the elevator and into my world.

  I look around as I see everyone walking around, staying busy and trying to make things happen. Today is a great time to take Olive here because she gets to see exactly what goes on here.

  But I’m not here to ensure that everyone is working hard like they should be. I’m here to see how Olive reacts.

  Her eyes grow large as she takes everything in. The amount of people in the room, the cameras, and then finally the naked people. I expect her quick, immediate response to be painful for me, but it’s not how she reacts. She takes her time studying everything, taking it in and trying to understand.

  “You make porn for a living?” she asks, slowly scanning the room, trying to make sense of it.

  “Yes. I’m in the adult entertainment industry. I make porn movies, and I sell sex toys. My job is to sell sex.”

  She swallows and nods, like it all makes sense. “I figured you owned a strip club or something like this,” she says.

  I grab her chin and tilt her head toward me. “This isn’t like owning a strip club. Stripping is nothing compared to this. I hire people to have sex in front of a camera in order for me to make millions.”

  She sucks in a breath as she looks at me. Then, she finally nods, but she’s not running away yet. Maybe she’s in shock.

  I take her hand again and pull her toward the camera. Many people nod and smile and acknowledge me as we walk by. Most of my employees like me because I’m a fair boss, and they know exactly what I expect of them. I show up at work often, trying to be as involved as I can be. I try to make the working conditions the best they can be.

  “Watch,” I say as the director starts shooting another scene.

  The scene the two actors are in is pretty tame compared to some of the things I’ve seen and produced.

  They are supposed to be in a classroom. The woman is a teacher, and the man is supposed to be her student. The woman eventually seduces her student, and then they fuck on her desk. It’s a good scene to ease Olive into this world. The actors truly enjoy what they do, and they want to be here. But that’s not the same for everybody. I’ve seen too many actors come and do this just to make a quick buck and not because they love it, and it ends up destroying them.

  I watch Olive’s face as she watches them have sex in front of her. She blinks a lot as she watches. Her face occasionally flushes a slight shade of pink. But she doesn’t turn away in disgust. She doesn’t say that I’m degrading women or anything that I was expecting.

  When the scene is over, I grab her hand and pull her out of there and into the side room that we use for interviews and meetings. I shut the door and flip on the lights so that I can see her. I need to know how she feels. Now.

  “What do you think?” I ask.

  “I think…I think…I don’t know what to think. I don’t like it. I don’t understand it.”

  My heart sinks.

  “But I don’t hate it.”

  I can live with that, I think.

  “And what do you think of me?” I ask, needing to know if she hates me.

  She narrows her eyes at me. “I think I like you more than I should, more than what’s good for me.”

  I grin even though I shouldn’t. I get to keep Olive in my life for a little bit longer. She doesn’t hate me…yet.

  I grab her and spin us around while kissing her hard on the lips. When I put her down, I say, “I can’t wait to fuck you in the bed on my plane.”

  She bashfully bites her lip, and then her eyes catch something in the corner of the room. She stops grinning. She stops paying any attention to me as she walks slowly over to the corner. I slowly turn around, but I already know what’s in the corner of the room.

  Everything I thought I had with her, the little time I t
hought I had left with her, is now gone.

  I look at Olive looking at the DVDs of me on the front, shirtless, with words like, Sean and Stacey in College Facials. I knew that she wouldn’t be happy when she found out that I not only produced porn, but I also starred in them. What’s worse is, the other person on the covers of most of them—Jamie.

  “Olive, I can explain…”

  But I know I can’t. There’s nothing to explain. There’s nothing to be sorry for. This is my life. This is what I do, and if she can’t accept me, then I don’t want her in my life.

  Olive slowly turns around, and I see the tears rolling down her cheeks. “I need some air,” she says, pushing past me and out of the room.

  This is why I wanted to show her the real me—so she could run away. But, now that she has, I know that isn’t what I wanted at all.

  Part III

  16

  Olive

  I wrap my arms around myself because the cool night air hits me hard when I walk outside into the night. But I can finally breathe, alone in the dark. Except I’m not alone. I’m in a busy city full of people walking by who don’t bother to stop and ask if I’m okay when they see the tears burning down my cheeks. I should be thinking about Sean, about who he is and what he does, but all I can think about is that I should’ve brought a damn jacket.

  I pace up and down the sidewalk, trying to warm my body and figure out why I had the reaction that I just had. I shouldn’t be upset that Sean owns and runs an adult entertainment company. I shouldn’t be upset that he did or still stars in porn. I shouldn’t be upset that he had sex with Jamie at least a dozen times on film for the world to see. I shouldn’t be upset because he is not mine.

  I don’t have any claim to him, and I definitely don’t have any claim to his past. For all I know, he’s had sex with women in between our times together. But, still, the tears fall because it hurts to know how intimately involved Sean and Jamie were. They make sense together, unlike me and Sean. Jamie has always been strong, powerful, driven. She knows what she wants, and she goes after it, just like Sean. I don’t understand why I feel so strongly about them.