The Maybe Series Read online

  “I—”

  “Killian why have the plans changed?” a man sitting less than five seat from me asks.

  Shit, now, they are addressing Killian instead of me.

  “Killian, I think you’d better finish the presentation,” Granddad says.

  I didn’t even realize he was in the room. I’d thought if he heard how great of a job I did from others, he would believe I could do this. Instead, I’ve just fucked up, proving him right.

  I swallow before nodding at Killian to finish. He seems reluctant to get up, but he does. I brush past him as I walk. I walk past all the stares. I walk past all the embarrassing murmurs. I walk out of the room until I find my father’s office.

  I fall onto my father’s couch, and then I cry. I’ve failed. I can’t do this. I was wrong to even try. Killian knew that. My grandfather knew that. Even my father knew that. They all knew I wasn’t strong enough to handle this.

  I should just marry Killian. Or better yet, I should just let him have the company. I could go back to modeling where nobody ever asked me any questions that were difficult. Instead, I got praise daily for how beautiful I was. I felt important. Now, I just feel broken.

  “What were you thinking?” Granddad says.

  I sit up and wipe my tears. “I just wanted to prove that I could do it, that I could be a part of the company and not just sit on the sidelines while Killian runs it. I just want to be more than a trophy wife.”

  He sighs before walking over to me and taking a seat next to me. “I know you do, but you have to know your strengths. That doesn’t include giving big speeches or making decisions. Your beauty is your strength. If you want to help and be a part of the company, then agree to do some modeling for our ads. Be the face of the company, not the voice.”

  “But I want more. I want to be more than just a pretty face.”

  “You don’t need to be though. You’re beautiful. You have a perfect life. There is no need to throw that all away just to try to feel more useful. If you’re not careful, Killian won’t even want to marry you, and then you’ll be out of luck. I’m afraid I’ll have to make that man CEO whether he marries you or not. He’s too good at his job to let him go to our competition.”

  He stands. “If you were smart, you would be focusing on getting him to fall for you instead of thinking of how you can be more useful to the company. You are most useful as Killian’s wife. You need him to fall in love with you before he figures out that I will promote him whether he marries you or not.”

  I watch my grandfather as he walks out of my father’s office without saying another word. Killian already knows that he’s invaluable to the company. He already knows that he will become CEO whether or not he marries me. That’s why he proposed what he proposed.

  Maybe my grandfather’s right. I should be focused on getting Killian to fall in love with me instead of focusing on getting my grandfather to believe I can do this.

  “I figured you would be in here,” Killian says.

  “Do you ever knock?”

  “No. You find out the best stuff if you don’t knock.”

  I do my best to casually wipe my eyes, so he doesn’t think I’ve been siting here, crying, but it’s no use. He knows that’s what I’ve been doing.

  “Here to gloat?”

  He narrows his eyes. “No. I figured you would be the one who was going to do the gloating.”

  “Why would I do that? I failed. I lose. You win.”

  He smiles. “I would call it more of a tie.”

  I watch as he walks over and casually takes a seat on the sofa.

  “What do you mean, we tied? I did horrible in there. They were practically laughing at my plan.”

  “I wouldn’t say that. They ended up agreeing with you in the end.”

  “What? How?”

  He sighs. “I should have told you that there was pushback for even doing the smaller expansion in the first place. Nobody wanted to do it. There was no way that you were going to convince them that we should spend that kind of money and take that kind of risk, no matter what the data said.”

  “You did. It took you less than twenty minutes to convince them.”

  “Ten actually,” he says, smirking.

  I hit him with a throw pillow.

  “Sorry. Just thought you should know that it was a joint effort. You supplied the information and got them warmed up. I just closed the deal.”

  I roll my eyes. “No, you win. I didn’t close the deal, as you say. I couldn’t even answer their simple questions.”

  His smile widens. “I was happy to just call it a tie, but if you want to go on a date with me that badly, you can just ask.”

  I roll my eyes for a second time. “So, what happened after I left?”

  He shrugs. “I answered their questions and told them it was happening whether they wanted it to or not, and it would be better if the company as a whole was behind it.”

  I frown when he puts his arm around me, but I admit it does relax me a little to have it there.

  “Who has the ultimate decision then about if the expansion will go on or not?”

  “Right now, your grandfather.”

  I nod, realizing that the only reason they even had a meeting with half of the company was to get them behind the decision. It was never for them to decide the fate of the company. My grandfather was always the one who was going to make that decision. If I had just gone straight to him with my speech, maybe things would have been different. Maybe then, he would have realized that I was more than just a pretty face. Too late now.

  “So, when is this date I have to go on?”

  He tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear. His touch sends chills down my arms.

  “You are eager.”

  “No,” I say, shaking off the chills. “Just ready for it to be over.”

  “Tomorrow then.”

  I nod although I have no idea why I agreed to go out with him. All he wants is another chance to fuck me. I don’t plan on giving him that pleasure, but as his eyes travel over my body, stopping at my chest, I don’t know if I’ll be able to resist his temptation.

  Killian is late, thirty minutes late. He hasn’t called. He hasn’t texted. Nothing.

  I pace back and forth in the living room of my new room that feels more like an apartment than a hotel room. It’s the presidential room. It’s the room Dad and I would stay in when we stayed at the hotel.

  I just had most of my stuff moved into the hotel this morning. I couldn’t live in the family house any longer. I like living by myself. And I like that hotel rooms feel more like home than my own house ever will. It will also help to be closer to the offices below. If I’m still committed to figuring out how to convince my grandfather that I can do this job, then I need to learn from everyone in the casino—from the maids to the card dealers to the managers. I need all the help I can get to learn this business.

  And if I’m being honest with myself, I didn’t want Killian picking me up from my parents’ house. I wanted a place of my own, however temporary.

  I pace again. I should have had Scarlett stay. She would have known what to do when he didn’t show up. I should call her and tell her to come back, that we should just have a girls’ night instead.

  I hear a knock on the door. I open the door, and my jaw drops. Killian is standing there. That, I expected. What I didn’t expect to see was him dressed so casually. He’s in dark jeans and a T-shirt. His hair isn’t gelled like usual. Actually, it looks a little unkempt. And a five o’clock shadow completes his look.

  He grins at me when he sees my expression. I look down at how I’m dressed. Shit! I’m in a dress, a nice dress. I was expecting formal Killian. All I’ve ever seen him in is suits. I thought that’s what he would wear since he came straight from work to pick me up. He’s not.

  “What’s wrong, princess?” he asks smugly.

  “I need to change,” I say. I turn to run back into my bedroom to change.

  He grabs my arm
. “No time.”

  He pulls me into the hallway, and I hear the hotel door shut behind me before I can protest. We enter the elevator, and he presses the button for the ground floor. I can’t look at him. I’m too embarrassed.

  Scarlett helped me decide what to wear. She told me to wear this black lace dress that is slightly see-through, so I did. I shouldn’t have.

  “I like your hair like this.” His thumb caresses my exposed neck due to my hair being styled on top of my head.

  I quickly forget why I’m supposed to be embarrassed when he is looking at me like this. I lick my bottom lip, preparing for the kiss that always follows that look.

  “I like that it gives me better access to your neck.” He softly kisses me on my neck but doesn’t do anything further.

  Instead, he grabs my hand, and when the doors open, we walk out of the elevator and onto the casino floor. I let go of his hand as we walk through the casino. Several employees nod their heads at us in recognition—except they don’t recognize me. They are acknowledging Killian. I’m surprised to see a smile on most of their faces when they see him. They seem to like him. He’s probably a good boss, firm yet fair. I might be making a huge mistake, trying to take that away from the company, but I’m not trying to take it away. I’m just trying to improve upon that—whether that’s with me or someone else.

  We exit the casino into the warm Vegas air. Killian comes to an abrupt stop. I expect him to have changed his mind. I expect him to decide we should spend the whole date back in my hotel room or go to his place, wherever that is.

  “I should have let you change. Can you walk in those?” He points to my black high heels.

  “Yes, I can walk just fine in these.” I’m surprised that he didn’t order a car.

  He raises his eyebrow. “You couldn’t walk in them the other night.”

  “I had too much to drink that night. Trust me, I’ll be fine. I’ve walked enough catwalks with heels twice as high and tighter dresses than this, all while being blasted with flashing lights. I’ll be fine.” The first part isn’t true. I didn’t have too much to drink that night. My body was just reacting to Killian’s stare as he walked me to his hotel room that night.

  It’s the same stare he has on his face again as his eyes travel over my body before landing on my black bra that is visible beneath my dress.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Trying to imagine you with less clothes or tighter clothes. I can’t imagine it. I’m going to need a show later.”

  “This was a mistake.”

  I turn to go back to my room, but he stops me.

  “I’m kidding. Relax, princess.” He breathes slowly in and out, trying to get me to imitate him.

  I roll my eyes at him.

  “I’m just trying to make you smile, and apparently, I’m doing a terrible job. I’m a bit out of practice.” His eyes stay transfixed on mine.

  I laugh. This guy is unbelievable.

  His lips curl up slightly at the sight of me laughing. He looks around to find the cause of my laughter. “What’s so funny?”

  “You are. You don’t expect me to believe that you haven’t taken a different girl out every night. I bet you have had a different model or actress or showgirl in your bed every night this week.” I raise my eyebrows at him, waiting for an answer.

  “I don’t date. At least, I haven’t in a long time. Yes, I occasionally take a woman home to my bed, but even that happens rarely.”

  “Define rarely.”

  He shrugs. “Once a month. Lately, less than that.”

  My eyes widen at his response, but I’m not sure I believe him.

  “You are telling me, you only sleep with a woman once a month or less?”

  “Yes, I only fuck once a month or sometimes less.”

  I wince again when he says fuck although it’s less apparent this time. That was not what I had expected.

  “Why? You could have any woman you want on any night you want. You’re good-looking and intelligent. You make more money than ninety-nine percent of the population. Sure, you act like a cocky ass most of the time, but your looks more than make up for it.” I stop talking when I realize I’m rambling about all of Killian’s qualities. This is the opposite of flirting. I should just shut my mouth.

  He smugly takes my hand back in his. “Come on, we have a long walk ahead if you are wearing those shoes. And I want to get to dinner on time.”

  I sigh and go with him. “Why?” I ask again.

  He pulls me around a group of people dressed up like the band Kiss. They are followed by a woman who’s dressed up as Dolly Parton.

  Really?

  I relax a little though because I’m sure, wherever we are going, I’ll be dressed appropriately. Vegas isn’t known for its tame looks. People wear whatever they want to wear here, no matter where they are going.

  “Just not interested in more than that, and women always want more after I fuck them. At night, they promise they don’t want anything more than one night, but the next morning, they are begging to go out again. I hate having to fend them off. Once a month is the max I can handle.”

  “Why haven’t you found the one yet? I’m sure you want to settle down and get married. Most people your age have been married for years with several kids, old man.”

  He glares at me. “Just how old do you think I am?”

  I shrug. “I don’t know.”

  “I’m thirty. Thirty isn’t old.”

  I smile. “It is to me.”

  He sighs. “God, you are such a child.”

  I feel his grasp on my hand loosen. I frown. I want him to hold my hand tighter. I want him to want me. I don’t like him thinking about me as a child…except I shouldn’t want him to want me. I shouldn’t even be on this date.

  “So, when is the last time you went on a date before tonight?”

  Killian doesn’t look at me when he answers, “Three years.”

  My jaw drops. “Three years? That’s a long time.” It’s also the same time that my father told him that he wanted Killian to marry me. Coincidence? I don’t know, but I’m too afraid to ask.

  “When is the last time you went on a date?”

  Eli, my high school boyfriend, was the last person I went on a date with. We dated for one year in college before he broke it off.

  “It was…three years ago,” I say as I realize it.

  I stare up at him, and we stop walking.

  He’s looking at me like he wants to ask me the same question I want to ask him.

  Did I stop dating because of him? I didn’t—well, not exactly. I didn’t know he existed yet. I didn’t know my father had already chosen. I just knew it would eventually happen.

  When I don’t answer and when I don’t ask, he turns us to the building we have stopped in front of.

  “We are here.”

  Now, I really wish I had changed.

  “What can I get you to drink?” the waitress says.

  She looks tired, but when she looks down at my attire, I swear, she smirks at me.

  I stare back down at the menu, hoping to God that some drink will pop out at me so that I will know what to order, but there are no drinks listed on the menu. I glance around the diner. From the looks of this place, I doubt they have the wine he’s bought me before. Actually, I doubt they have any wine. I should order a beer, but I don’t even know where to start. So, instead of answering the woman, I just stare intently at my menu.

  “What do you want to drink, Kinsley?”

  I look up to see Killian staring at me with a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. It’s weird to hear my name fall from his lips. I can’t recall him using it before, but I realize what he’s doing. He’s giving me exactly what I said I wanted. He’s not going to help me, not unless I beg. And I’m not above begging right now if he will help me.

  I plead with my eyes for him to just order a drink for us. I pucker my lip, like Scarlett taught me.

  He rolls his eyes at my l
ook and sits up straighter, turning his attention to the waitress.

  “I’ll have a Miller Lite. Bring her a Blue Moon. We will have your mountain onion ring appetizer with extra sauce. And we both want your special burger, hold the onions.”

  Killian takes the menu from me and hands it to the lady, who rushes off, glad to finally be done with us.

  “You really can’t make a quick decision.”

  “I can.” I take a deep breath, ready to reveal something embarrassing. “I just haven’t had a lot of experience with drinking. I’ve only drunk a handful of times in my life.”

  “Well, that explains a lot.”

  “You didn’t have to order my dinner for me though.”

  “I was afraid, if you took any longer, the waitress would end up spitting in our food. She’s obviously swamped tonight, and you were taking half an hour just to order your drink. What did you want? I’ll make sure she changes the order.”

  I sigh. “I was going to order exactly what you ordered me.” My cheeks flush at the admission that he was right—again.

  Killian just smiles and shakes his head.

  “So, what made you choose this place? I’m guessing you don’t come here often. Doesn’t seem like it has the healthiest of menus.”

  “Just wanted to get you the best burger in Vegas after I denied you one the other day.”

  You denied me more than just a burger, I think as I bite my lip.

  The beers and appetizer are thrust onto the table. I take a sip of the beer. It’s definitely not the Chateau Margaux wine that Killian ordered me before, but it’s drinkable. I take an onion ring off the tower before me.

  “Tell me something about yourself. You might be my future husband one day, if we don’t figure a way out of this mess. I might as well know more about you.”

  He shakes his head. “I’ve already figured a way out of this. You just have yet to agree to it. But, okay, I’ll play. What do you want to know?”

  I take a bite as I contemplate what I want to know most. I really want to know what it would be like to be fucked by him. But I can’t go there. I fidget with the wrapper on the silverware, trying to think of a tame question.